Dear Thomas: I have a friend who has been a big help to me. She’s smart and rich and popular. At least everybody I know likes her. So, last year I hired her for a position I had open. She’s smart and rich and popular so certainly she could do the job. I mean, it’s a government job so how hard could it be? Anyhow, a bunch of meanies have been making fun of her and blaming her for all sorts of things that have gone wrong since I hired her. But it’s not her fault. It couldn’t be since she is smart and rich and popular. It’s because a whole lot of people quit when I hired her. Even some of the people she hired have quit. That’s made it very hard on her. Now, people are saying even meaner things about her. I know they are all just jealous because she is smart and rich and popular. Now some of those meanies are starting to blame me for the stuff that is going on. What would you do?–DEFENDING MY FRIEND

Dear Defending: Fire her ass. People don’t just quit their jobs in an economy like this because they are jealous. They quit because working conditions have become intolerable. If you haven’t got the balls to get rid of her, find a hatchet man or woman who does.

Dear Thomas: A year or so ago, I gave a guy a whole bunch of money. Ever since then, he’s been kind of like a loyal lap dog–not real bright but eager to please. He let me take over this huge organization that was giving all sorts of money to undesirables. The whole place was riddled with a bunch of softies who thought we should coddle the freeloaders. Well, I got rid of them. We’re bringing in people who see through all those good-for-nothing couch potatoes but some things fell through the cracks. But it’s not like anybody important got hurt like job creators or anything. Anyhow, the poor sap who hired me is starting to take a bunch of heat. I’m not worried about losing my gig, but I wonder if there is anything I could do to get people off his back. He might not be the brightest bulb, but he is a sweetheart and he does anything I tell him. What do you think?–LAP DOG OWNER

Dear Lap: Quit. You’ve obviously made a mess of things. You’ve made a fool of him and run off all the competent people. The mess you’ve made might not matter to you, but it does to a lot of other people. The heat’s not coming off of him until you are gone. It’s time for you to pack your bags and get out. If you really had class, you would take the blame for everything that happened as you walked out the door. That’s probably asking too much, though.

Thomas Mills

Thomas Mills is the founder and publisher of PoliticsNC.com. Before beginning PoliticsNC, Thomas spent twenty years as a political and public affairs consultant. Learn more >