Dear Secretary Wos,
Thank you for considering me for any positions that might be open or invented at the Department of Health and Human Services. Especially consider me for ones with big severance packages. I’m also attracted to the ones that have 30% raises after the first couple of months.
I won’t be particular about which job you give me. I’m obviously qualified for them all since I’ve spent the past 20 years working in politics. However, I also served on the board of a day care center that served low-income families from 1990-1993. That probably qualifies me to oversee the Early Childhood Education program if you’re still having trouble filling that spot. Speaking of Early Childhood, did Dianna Lightfoot get a severance package, too?
Really, though, I’m probably best suited for your communications team. As I said, I’ve worked in politics for twenty years. I know most of the reporters covering state government and have at least a working relationship with them. The people you have in place now, obviously do not.
While I can’t control boneheaded moves like hiring people who have no experience, I can make sure that your voice is part of the public dialogue and that your point of view is represented in the press. I’ll also help you articulate exactly what is wrong with the department since all we’ve heard is that you “inherited a mess.” Nobody knows what that means.
I’ll also make sure that a member of our communications team is traveling with you at all times until the controversies surrounding DHHS have calmed down. That way, we can intercept the reporters instead of your bodyguards. And, I’ll help you develop talking points and coach you on how to respond to questions without giving an answer that gets you in trouble. That way you won’t have to run away from the press in the first place.
Finally, I won’t embarrass you by letting your staff put out silly looking graphics to explain all the good things you’ve done. Think about it. If you can explain the progress you’ve made in a single graphic describing the largest, most complicated department in state government, you probably haven’t done much, have you? (Who came up with that idea anyhow? An intern?)
Thanks for taking time to review my application and I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Sincerely,
Thomas Mills
Thomas Mills is the founder and publisher of PoliticsNC.com. Before beginning PoliticsNC, Thomas spent twenty years as a political and public affairs consultant. Learn more >
I’ve come to the rather depressing conclusion, that they know what they are doing, know we know, and have no shame.
Hahaha. That’s a classic. It’s true she was an ambassador, but apparently she didn’t get a lot of hands on experience running a policy shop during the gig. Or a communications shop. Her only response to a series of public relations hits has been to double down on her mistakes: the College Republicans are still the most qualified, even though it’s pretty obvious they don’t know anything about healthcare policy (which, not surprisingly, is a fairly complex area). The cushy consulting gigs and immediate-fat-severance a the best thing for the taxpayers. Rob Christiansen’s comparison of Wos versus Tata was spot on: like it or not, Tata is competent, but Wos is a total fail. I’m suspecting even McCrony will find her an unacceptable liability before is term is up.
When our hand-puppet governor is inevitably told to can the clueless woman by his handler, you can bet your lungs she will walk away with more money than she ever donated to McCrory to buy the job in the first place.
And that’s a boatload.
I just LOVE her sweater !
I agree. The sweater alone qualifies her to sell Tupperware.
That’s quite a sweater if it sells Tupperware or anything else. Wonder if Barbra Streisand picked it out for her?
Oh Thomas, I love it!
She’s probably too dumb to “get it”. Still, I think it’s a wonderful letter that I hope you sent to her personally and to all papers in NC. Good luck. Hope you get one of those positions. I won’t call them jobs, as that implies you’d actually have to work for your pay.
She is a former US Ambassador, so probably not “too dumb to get it.”
..Dumb enough…
If YOU had been the 2004 finance co-chair of the NC Bush-Cheney campaign, YOU could have been ambassador to Estonia too!!
An ambassadorship doesn’t necessarily mean you’re smart, Jonathan. It means you’re connected.
Ambassador to where??
all I gotta say is that I live about 1 hour south of Raleigh and I’m over 65, so that obviously qualifies me for some sort of position. I will also accept any but If there is something in geriatrics I think I am an expert now. Please send an application.