Twas six weeks before Christmas/ And all on TV/ Were annoying commercials/ Just torturing me. With bad tidings and no cheer, I must report that liberals are losing the War on Christmas. The Secular-Socialist Machine is out of gas. Elves have strangled Shari’ah law with festive ribbons, and Santa’s sleigh rides again.

Viewing the North Pole from her house, Sarah Palin is apoplectic. Her latest book failed to even crack Amazon’s top 100. As a woman of dubious talent, her fame depends upon myths like the persecution of Kris Kringle. Now that Santa’s employment is secure, she can no longer profit by selling terror in the season of joy.

Things like this, not demographics or Hillary Clinton, pose the greatest threat to conservatism. For contemporary Republicanism is a scam. Authentic free marketeers, they spotted demand for demagoguery and built an empire of fear with no help from you and me. The frantic glint in every Tea Partier’s eye is a symbol of Fox News’s “Earned Success.”

But the elephant is a cunning creature. He regroups after every setback and finds a new route to riches. The War on Christmas and other such myths, you see, are all in the viewers’ heads. And the viewers’ money is all in Bill O’Reilly’s pocket.

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